Here is a list of questions I am frequently asked and the answers I most frequently give in response. Hopefully whatever you were intending to ask me is listed somewhere here, because I don't have any means of contact available on the site right now.

• Q. Why can't I find you on Facebook/MySpace/Twitter/Geocities, etc.?
  A. Because I don't want to give out that much personal information to a company that I don't know, for one thing, but also because I have some serious concerns about what other people can do with that information. In short, have you ever forgotten your password for some website? Usually they'll be happy to either allow you to reset it or send you a new one to an e-mail address you specify if you can answer a security question, such as "What is your mother's maiden name?" or "What high school did you graduate from?". How many of those answers are available on your social networking pages? Often it's all of them, especially if you have multiple social networking accounts. This, coupled with the fact that I don't need to get an update every time someone I know has a bad mood, makes the value to inconvenience equation weigh too heavily against utilizing these services, at least for now.

• Q. Why does your website run so slow?
  A. Because my web server is an 800 MHz machine with 512 MB of RAM, and my uplink speed averages a little under 1 Mbps. If you would like to cut me a large check to upgrade to a higher capacity fiber network connection I'd be happy to apply 100% of that money towards making the website faster, and I'll throw in a web server upgrade at no additional charge.

• Q. With your dashing good looks and natural charm, why didn't you become an actor or male escort?
  A. Good question. Maybe I should rethink my career choices.

• Q. Can you recite pi to 35 decimal places?
  A. No.

• Q. What is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?
  A. An African or European swallow?